worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
