remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
