We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
