I look better un-naked...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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