Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
