how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
there is puke in my bra ... again
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