I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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