Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
