yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
