I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
