I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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