Screwed.edu
I just threw up on my dentist
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And then my night got REAL pukey
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
