can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
