"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
