i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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