i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize