if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lo siento on account of my penis...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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