Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
