Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
