Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
