don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
