Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
