meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize