can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
