??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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