She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
