yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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