I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
