we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
