i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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