Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
