dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I just put wine in my tea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
