Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
