i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
