So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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