ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
