The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
