what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
