Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
