I think I died a long time ago.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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