Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
