i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
