NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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