Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
