He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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