oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize