Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
