She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
