Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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