Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
