I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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