i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
