I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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