I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
