New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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