It's Friday. Sex?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
