It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
