I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
