i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
