Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
