She's JV to your varsity
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
