I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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