remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You ruined the universe
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
