she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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