Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
