You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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