college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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