it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
