hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize