If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize