Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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