Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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