the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
