Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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