morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
