Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
