hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
