he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
