I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
